What am I doing here?

Writer, proofreader, sub-eA photo of an old type writer with focus on the textditor, copywriter, freelancer and financial journalist… I’ve been a lot of things in my years as a writer, but I really want to add another string to my writerly bow – author.

It was a desire that went off the boil for a while, but now it’s slowly starting to return, bubbling away under the surface, waiting to explode in a geyser of epic proportions (clearly, metaphors and overdramatisation are things I really need to work on).

So, who am I, why am I here, and why have I decided that now’s the time to go back to basics and follow my dreams?

Well, two years ago I sacrificed the freedom and flexibility of the freelance world for the lure of a steady pay cheque and the relative security of a 9-5, and in doing so my focus on creative writing – or writing purely for myself – went straight to the bottom of my list of priorities. So much so, that I wasn’t even aware it was there, and would even question whether I had it in me to write in such a way.

For a while, that was fine. I was excited to be in the world of finance and I loved writing about it. I was motivated to succeed and every day felt like a new challenge. And I was good at my job. Still am. From the moment I became the key writer for my company’s consumer website, visitor numbers took off. I relished the chance to get into my consumer finance stride, and I loved switching between that and my B2B voice on a daily basis. I honed my skills and my ability to write for different audiences, and was compelled to do better.

But now, two years on, the novlety of a new industry and the excitement of a career opportunity has categorically worn off, and the knoweldge that I’m doing the sensible, secure thing isn’t enough to keep me inspired. I find that I’m writing the same thing day after day, with the same lack of acknowledgement, and nothing about the work I do, or the topics I write about, excites me (there are a few exceptions, but not many).

Quite simply, I’m bored, uninspired, demotivated, and lacking any challenge – and as it stands, there’s no prospect of that changing in the near future.

But I’m a great believer that there’s a silver lining to everything, and in this case, it’s this: that level of boredom has compelled me to do something more, and it’s led me back to my first love – and my reason for getting into the field in the first place – my love of writing, pure and simple.

So I’ve started writing. And reading. And getting excited about the possibility of doing something more with it.

And it’s so refreshing. It’s a massive cliché, but the thought of doing something purely for myself has given me a huge lease of life. I no longer want to collapse on the sofa as soon as I get home from work and veg out in an exhausted state of semi-consciousness for the evening, because I’ve got something more meaningful to occupy my time. Work isn’t quite as demoralising as I know I’ve got something else to think about. I’m reading again, and I’m looking for new books to add to my already burgeoning to-read pile. I’m excited about the thought of buying a new notebook and pen. Hell, I may even be motivated enough to get back on the treadmill from time to time, but baby steps.

I’ve got the passion back for writing, and a dream that I hope will be fulfilled. Whether or not it’ll become a reality is another question entirely, but at the very least, I’m writing again, and it’s just for me. It’s part of my writerly life that I can really get my teeth into, and I can’t wait to see what’s in store. I wouldn’t say that ideas have started to form, but the creative juices are definitely flowing – I can feel them rushing through me as I’m sitting at my desk, the cogs of the brain ticking over slightly, warming up again, getting ready for something more.

This post will hopefully be the first of many, and I can’t wait to get going with it again (this isn’t a new space but a resurrection of my freelance blog, the posts of which will remain hidden for now). Bring on the fresh start, and the new set of challenges!

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